'He's saying I'm making him look like a gold digger': Insecure son flips out on mom after his rich girlfriend gives her thoughtful and expensive birthday gift

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    r/AmltheAsshole u/lcy_Instruction2768 • 17h AITA for accepting and refusing to return a gift from my son's girlfrend?
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    My (M23) son is five months into dating his girlfriend (f22). She's a complete delight to be around and I think we've bonded quite a bit despite the short time we've known each other. Now I have to mention here that she's very rich. My son estimates that the money she gets from her parents every month is the same as his yearly income.
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    My son has expressed to me several times that he's worried it might look like he's only dating her for her money, so he's been really strict about things like paying his share of things and not accepting expensive gifts from her. Yesterday was my birthday and his girlfriend got me a very expensive designer handbag that I'd mentioned being excited by months ago even though I could never afford it on my own.
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    I'm so touched that she remembered a short comment I made so long ago. I told my son about it and he became so angry at me, said he's had to refuse so many gifts, outings and vacation plans since they've been dating because he can't stand her thinking he's into her money, and here I am, happily accepting the first gift she's got me. He demanded that I return it immediately or I'll disturb the dynamic of their relationship. I refused and told him it's such a thoughtful gift even not considering t
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    NTA- KryoChamber 17h Certified Proctologist [27] I get he's trying not to come across as a gold-digger, which i totally understand. But that's something he decided for himself to do. But it's a thoughtful gift meant for you, hence its up to you to accept it or not. Personally, i dont like rejecting gifts. ESPECIALLY the first gift, the first gift is always a memorable moment. She went out of her way to get you something she knew you'd like. An i think that's very kind of her. I think a way to co
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    CallMePepper7 16h Partassipant [1] What's interesting is that him refusing so much may actually come back to bite him, especially since he's even refusing to go along with vacation plans. After a while the GF may decide she wants to be with someone who'll want to go on those vacations with her, as opposed to someone who'll just keep letting his insecurities get in the way.
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    Suzdg 15h Partassipant [3] NTA. Returning would likely damage OPs relationship w her. So kind that she made an effort to remember the bag. Rejecting it would be a slap in the face.
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    Mmm_lemon_cakes 15h I agree with you 100%. To show your son that you appreciate the GF as a person and not as a piggy bank invite the girlfriend to do something just the two of you. Maybe invite her over to the house and teach her how to make a favorite family meal or play a favorite family game. That kind of thing. Honestly, it sounds like the money disparity really bothers your son. This relationship may be doomed if it bothers him so much.
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    vivionnn801 15h Agreed, and write her a thank you card to further cement how touched you are. Just have a private 1:1 convo with her that you are so appreciative and moved by her thoughtfulness, but that her presence in your life is gift enough & gifts do not need to be of high monetary value in order for you to feel appreciated & valued by her. Gifts sound like her love language, it may very well have been spare change to her, but it never hurts to let her know privately between just you two th
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    BigAsparagus9383 15h Plus it's her birthday! It's clear the gifts and vacations he has been turning down are just for no reason which is what makes it different and could be seen as him using her. A birthday gift is very different
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    MutatedSpleen 17h Partassipant [2] NTA, home boy needs to get over himself. GF did something nice of her own free will that you happened to be the beneficiary of. Not like you're the one dating her. He can refuse all the gifts he wants if that's what makes him feel better, but it's not his place to tell someone else what they can or cannot accept. Plus, it's not weird to give your SO's parents a gift on their birthday. Maybe her tact could have been a little better, like it would be weird if she
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    NTA Abstruse 17h Aficionado [13] I get where he's coming from, but dude needs to chill a bit with the "I'm not a golddigger" thing because it's going to become a huge problem. Couples do things for one another like buy gifts. If he denies his girlfriend that opportunity just because he's worried about appearances, that's going to be an issue. If he tries to enforce that same mentality on others - like he's doing right now - he's going to hurt even more relationships.
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    NTA BeebopSandwich 14h If I had enough money to pay for my boyfriend and me to go on vacations, I would be if he would decline all the time. Why should I miss out on a nice vacation just because he doesn't want to go? Do I have to go on cheaper vacations? Go without him? Do I have to miss out on nice restaurant visits, because he can only afford something cheaper? I don't have much money, neither does my boyfriend, I'm fine with what we have, but if I had that kind of money...
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    Weasel-in-a-can 13h He needs to communicate this with his girlfriend. Literally the only thing he needs to do is sit her down and be like "I've been turning things down because | don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage and just want to date you for your money; I want to be with you, not your money". Because you're right, if he doesn't stop this, he's gunna ruin a good thing.
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    NTA. Fickle_Pickle_3452 17h He's clearly feeling insecure about making/having less money than her. That said, I understand he'd want to not come off as looking like a good digger. Good on him for that. You're clearly not being a good digger however. It seems his GF likes spoiling a little bit, maybe that's her way of showing affection/care/love. Has he spoken to the GF about why she does this? Maybe they can set up some fair rules around gift giving for the future (amounts, how many, etc). I'm a
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    tinyd71 17h Certified Proctologist [25] I doubt that your behaviour would be interpreted as your son being a gold digger! It seems more likely that the girlfriend would be offended by the return of a thoughtful present... NTA
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    Daft_Vaper 17h Your son's paranoia and insecurity is going to wave a red flag with her. He needs to chill
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    Rohini_rambles 17h Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] NTA for now You will be a massive one if you made it a habit of mentioning expensive things you could not afford and expect/hope she goes and buy it for you. You would be a gold digger and a very bad parent who selfishly put thei own desires over their kid's relationship. Also have a conversation with her expressing your gratitude but that you like her for her, not her gifts
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    NTA Apart-Ad-6518 17h Professor Emeritass [80] "Yesterday was my birthday and his girlfriend got me a very expensive designer handbag that I'd mentioned being excited by months ago" You're right. It was a nice thing for her to remember & do. She's clearly a kind & thoughtful person. I don't think you should return her gift. I also get where your son is coming from re his boundaries. That's for him & her to negotiate/navigate. He'll need to do that if he wants the relationship to go the distance.
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    Owl_Kitty88 17h I think it's so sweet she did that for you. I think it's more insulting to give it back. She spent the money because she wanted to, not because you asked her. What did he want you to do? Say no? Then what, she bought a nice expensive gift and now has to either return it or keep it and be out the money? NTA.
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    EffPop 17h Certified Proctologist [21] Your son has some insecurities. Fair enough. He can govern himself accordingly. He cannot govern you according to his insecurities (or otherwise). I hope you guys are able to work this out somehow. NTA

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